Days like this i just think that it's a pain to even breathe.
It's Father's Day.
We are suppose to celebrate and express our gratitude towards our father aren't we?
No. Not for me.
He got into some trouble again.
Shall leave out the details.

对于无法去改变命运的自己， 我好无奈，好无助。
那种恐惧感，犹如毒蛇般一点一点地吞噬着我， 真的真的， 好可怕。
而如今，又有谁能将我拉出这个万丈深渊？

Life is tough.

Here is a piece of interesting essay by Matthew Zachery Liu:

14 hours ago · 


Remember back when we were 5 years old? We lived and believed in our world of imaginations. Life was simple and pure. Everything seemed plausible. People were often and generally nice. We were young. Carefree. Protected. Naïve. Innocent.

Then, we became 12. By this age, we started to realize that life and people aren’t so nice or genuine after all. Perhaps we too, became influenced. The changes start occurring a bit more apparently. At this age, we probably wanted to be liked, to fit in. Still, we dared to dream.

16. 16 isn’t all that sweet. No. 16 was probably one of, if not the most confusing year in comparison with the other 15 lived. Boys and girls start becoming a major issue. Crushes. Gossip. It was as if popularity was every other person’s priority. Being cool and socially accepted seemed absolutely essential to a 16 year old. Parents weren’t part of the definition of cool. They were a “nuisance”. Friends instead, were like the most important aspect of life at this age. Without actually realizing it, we began to be conditioned to behave according to other people’s expectations, to dance to their tune, allowing them to pull our stings. Why? Because we craved approval even more. We needed to fit in. We became paralyzed by a fear of the outside world and obsessed by how others see us.

16 to 18. Social drama and personal havoc ensues. We become curious. We start discovering ourselves. We experiment with things and life. We fall in (our perceived definition of “true”) love, maybe. We get our hearts broken for the first time. Party hard for the first time. Do many other “firsts”. And then there’s school. The unavoidable part of every single one of our lives. The scary expectation instilled into us that if we screw this one up, our lives may not ever be how we want it to be.. but what exactly is it that we really want to do or be?

Before we can figure that out.. we enter our 20s. No longer teens. Adulthood. Legal freedom. College. Wild and crazy times. Deeper thoughts and reflections. Many people that we knew became that.. people that we knew. We start appreciating meaningful relationships with just a few instead, maybe even one particularly special one with another. We start to really grow up.

23. 25. 27. Life starts getting a bit more real. Relationship, career and responsibilities start weighing in. Our childhood dreams of being a rock star or princess start fading. We start seriously wondering, hoping or worrying about love, marriage, finances, family and our career. At the same time, we realize not everything nor everyone matters anymore. Perspectives and priorities inevitable reshuffles.

Circumstances and choices start to change us and our lives. Then before we know it, the 30s creeps in. We want to be financially capable and be attaining a certain degree of success or satisfaction in our careers. But it’s not simply about us anymore. Family becomes a critical factor to any decision-making. Our child, if we have any by then, takes center stage. Our health becomes something we need to think about..

See the thing is, as each day, month and year(s) of our life goes by, we inch a little closer to these “expectations” that we inevitably have to deal with one way or another.

And yet, the tragic unpredictability is that it may never happen or we may never even be around long enough to live out what we really want or plan to do.

We have a tendency to think we are always (or want to be) in control. Truth is, not everything is within our control or direct influence.

It’s brutal. Life isn’t fair. But here’s the beauty of it all.. I read somewhere recently that life is not about avoiding the storm but about learning to dance in the rain. I think that is a beautiful analogy.

If the rain is coming, let it come. Let’s learn to dance in the rain. It will eventually pass. Just as the years go by. Just as age catches up with us. These things are inevitable but for better or worse, I promise you, it will come and go. We just have to keep going on, finding strength from within, never giving up or forget to appreciate the things and people that do matter. Because someday, these little things that matter most will come to pass too.

I guess essentially what I’m trying to put across in this post is.. as 2013 draws towards the halfway mark, let’s not just simply sigh for better days, but make a promise to our days ahead to be the most meaningful ones of our lives, come what may?

Because yet another day has sneaked by.. another 199 days before we bid the year goodbye and grow another age older. Let’s make it count while we can.


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